Friday, November 27, 2015

You Can Run but You Can't Hide

It's been headed this way for a couple of weeks now. Like a Tsunami that builds in strength as it nears. And nothing can stop it. So here we are, the day after Thanksgiving, and Black Friday has rolled ashore with what seems to be more power than ever.

It didn't even wait for Friday. Thursday night, after most people had cleaned up the dishes from turkey dinner and should have been watching a football game or a movie...THEY WERE SHOPPING! Really. Many stores and malls had opened their doors at 8:00 PM, and the parking lots were filling up. Black Friday had staged a strategic attack.

Every conceivable type of media has been used to drive the message home. Emails, websites, messaging, TV (network & cable), stacks of mail and newspaper inserts, posters and signs, and more. So I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Here's what you don't know, though. I thought I was impervious to all the deals. But I'm not so sure now. I opened ten pounds of newspaper today and found nine pounds of it was Black Friday specials. 

"Pitch it," I thought. Too late. I had already started looking through the inserts.

At Kohl's I could get a "Foldable gaming chair with onboard speakers" for only $40. Regular price: $100. I don't even play games but that chair looks pretty cool. One of the Door Buster specials was a pair of Dearfoams for only $13. Originally $36!!!! That's more than 50% off. Gotta get a pair for Mary Lee. Even though she already has a pair.

Gordmans has a "single cat tunnel" for 8 bucks. After 1 PM the price goes up to $25. I don't even like cats but how can I pass up a deal like that? Here's one of the best deals I've ever seen. It's at Menards: A 30 Ton Log Splitter with a "Powerful electric start LCT 208cc OHV engine." The price? $799. Sounds like a lot, but that's a SAVINGS OF $800. Maybe I'll get two, give one to a neighbor or friend who has some big logs.

Even though I haven't been to a Sears store in a couple of decades, I've gotta go now. They are offering Wolverine 6" Workboots at 50% off. I know I'm basically retired, but still, a guy's gotta have some Wolverine Workboots, right? For those long, hard days at my iMac.

The list - and the needs and wants - go on and on. Macy's almost giving away coats and shirts and sweaters for next to nothing. JC Penney with a tempting 13-piece set of Cooks Aluminum Nonstick Cookware for a mere $30. Regular price: $100. How can they do that and stay in business? 

And so it goes. From Kmart, Target, Sports Authority, Dick's Sporting Goods. Many I pitched but there are two more I'm headed out to get as soon as I finish writing this. One is a 90" sofa for only $129 at Ashley Furniture Homestore. I have no idea where the store is but I'll find it. And finally, a visit to GanderMTN.
That's where I'll pick up a Glock 42 pistol for $400. The savings is only $30 but still, I've never owned a Glock. This is the year to carry. I'll check out holsters while I'm there.

Don't bother responding to this post. Do yourself a favor. Jump in the car and head to the store - any store - and get a great deal on almost anything you need. Go ahead. Now. Black Friday won't last forever.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Where Have All the Pumpkins Gone?

Peter, Paul and Mary didn't sing about where the pumpkins have gone, but they should have. There's something inherently sad about a population of these familiar objects that invade markets and non-profit lots in mid-October, only to totally disappear on Nov. 1. It's almost a religious thing, like the Rapture, when all these ribbed globes are called home.They are not among the chosen gourds.

Granted, it's not a total disappearance. Many of them stick around to have their innards scooped out, stirred and beaten and whipped and baked, eventually to re-appear as a pie or cupcake or mini-loaf of bread. Of course some pumpkins stick around for quite awhile, making their way through Thanksgiving and, frequently. as far as Christmas. As pies or decorations. What a way to go.

But wait! There's more. Wandering the aisles of Trader Joe's one Saturday in mid-October, I found an array of pumpkin-connected items. Such as a spiced pumpkin-mango-apple juice blend (I didn't buy it); Joe's O's (their version of Cheerios) with pumpkin enhancements; pumpkin flavored cookies, candy bars, ice cream and soup. I passed through the wine and beer section and spotted several versions of pumpkin ale. I draw the line at raspberry flavored beer. Pumpkin is a step too far. I didn't check out the wine, though I'm sure some winery has seen fit to try that concoction. 

Back to The Disappearance. Where do they go?                                                    

Here are two photos of Kirkwood Market, shortly before Oct. 31. A festive scene, you must agree. The market is filled with these jolly round characters basking in the autumn sun, waiting to be chosen by some exuberant  child or adoring mother. 

Now here's the market two days 
after Halloween.

Kind of scary, right? It's as though they were kidnapped in the middle of the night, after the costumed trick-or-treaters had their bags full of Snickers, KitKats, and candy apples. So, again I wonder: Where do they go? Is it possible that there really is a "calling them home" for pumpkins, much like the Rapture? 

Yesterday, having voted with Mary Lee, I was driving through downtown Kirkwood and felt the urge for some ice cream. So I headed over to Andy's Frozen Custard place, intending to get a vanilla soft-serve cone. Here's a special they were offering. A vanilla concrete blended with a slice of pumpkin pie. It has enough calories, cholesterol and sugar to last through Thanksgiving. At least for me. I admit, it was good, but I think once a year is enough.

So what's the answer to "where have all the pumpkins gone?" 
Consider these possibilities. They may go to the same place where the Mayan civilization went. Maybe they go to where the folks on Easter Island or Cahokia went. Some other dimension in time, perhaps, or to That Great Pumpkin Patch in the Sky (shades of Charlie Brown). Wherever they go, I hope they're treated gently, with dignity and appreciation. After all, they bring so much color and joy to us on that special holiday. It's the least we can do for them.