Tuesday, March 5, 2019

The Bed Bug Man: True Story


Aaron works for Rottler Pest Control. His job is to exterminate ants, roaches, stink bugs, spiders and mice. In this, he is like most exterminators. But Aaron has taken his mission to a higher level. He is passionate about bed bugs. Passionate in a pro-active, get rid of ‘em, sense. 
During a recent treatment at my home, when I had a minor invasion of stink bugs, we got into a discussion about pests in general, and bed bugs in particular. The conversation started when he told me he was at his dad’s house recently and noticed there was some minor bug activity in his house. I asked Aaron if it is an occupational habit that he looks for evidence of pest activity when he’s at someone’s house.
     “Yes,” he said. “I’m always looking, especially at a friend’s house. It’s what I do.” Kind of like a reformed bank robber who can’t walk into a bank without casing the joint.
     After he told me how he helped his dad eliminate his bugs, Aaron transitioned to bed bugs when I asked him what was the toughest pest to get rid of?  “Bed bugs, without a doubt,” he said. “Once they move in, it’s tough to get ‘em out.”
     He said that when he travels, he takes an intensely bright flashlight with him. One of those LED jobs that can blind a horse at one hundred yards. After he checks into a room, before he unpacks, he pulls back the spread and sheets on the bed and examines it for bed bugs. He keeps his suitcase by the door, unopened, until he has made sure there are none of those little monsters around. No, it’s not crazy. He knows of what he speaks. “Those bugs travel very well. They’ll get into your suitcase and then you bring them home with you and suddenly you’ve got bed bugs at home.” 
     As I listened to him describe the discovery and killing of bed bugs, I felt like I was listening to a special forces operative tell stories about his missions into the dark side. Hearing him talk about the discovery and killing of bed bugs was like listening to a great war story. Look for signs of enemy activity, find where they are, proceed to kill or evacuate, as needed. Take no prisoners.
     “They travel through electrical outlets,” he said. Which is why bed bugs frequently are found in adjoining rooms, whether it be a hotel, a motor inn, a condo, or an apartment. Even in someone’s two-story home, the bugs will travel through outlets, along the wires, into another location. “Maybe it’s the electric current they sense,” he said. “Something about electricity that appeals to them. I’m not sure. But I always treat electrical outlets when I find evidence of bed bugs.”
     It seems that bed bugs have no socio-economic preferences. They are a completely democratic and balanced population. “You find them in apartments in the city, in condos in Clayton, in mansions in Ladue. They can infest a sixty dollar a night motel room or a five hundred dollar a night hotel suite with a view. They go anywhere and everywhere. Doesn’t matter where you live.” 
     I fought the urge to run into my bedroom and check the bed right then.
“How do you get rid of them?” I said.
     “The best way is heat,” he said. “Heat the room to 120 to 150 degrees. That kills them.” Then he added, “If someone has oil paintings, that makes it more difficult. We have to use chemicals then. That amount of heat will make the oil paint run. I treated a guy’s house in the city. He had an oil worth a half million. I couldn’t do heat without ruining that painting.” That by itself is a terrific scenario for a movie, or at least an episode of S.W.A.T.
     Happy to say, I have never been plagued or infested by bed bugs. Just been lucky, I guess. I’ve seen a cockroach scoot out from under my bed at a hotel in Times Square. I’ve seen a dead mouse under the bathroom sink in a motel in the Ozarks. But a bed bug. Not that I’m aware of. One thing I know for certain. As long as there are people around like Aaron, I will rest easy. It’s like having Special Forces Ops around my house, their guns locked and loaded, keen eyes piercing the dark for any sign of movement. But, just to be safe, on my next trip, I think I’ll bring one of those LED flashlights with me.