Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Call

I’m waiting for the phone to ring. It will be the vet.
He will tell me that he has good news.
I will ask him what it is.
He will say, “That neuromuscular problem with Hannah? I think we can treat it.”
“But,” I will say, “You’ve already euthanized her. On Monday.” I can barely get those words out.
“No problem,” he says. “We have reversed the effects of the injection. She’s back. You can pick her up tomorrow morning. Good as new.”
And that’s where the fantasy fades.
The neuromuscular problem was myaesthemia gravis, two words forever seared onto my soul. The prognosis was grim. 
How do you know when to say, The time has come? Hannah was 12 years old. That seems to be the magic number for Golden Retrievers, the genetic time bomb. I always thought she’d go the way most Goldens go - from cancer. Okay. No more medical talk. I don’t like writing about it or even thinking about it any more than you do reading about it.
I’ve been trying to figure out what hurts the most. Possibly the loss of one of the best friends I ever had. Maybe the sadness at seeing a beautiful creature come to the end of the trail much too soon. Then there’s the sheer habit of having her around, developed over twelve years and thousands of miles of travel, including New England, Florida, Chicago, Colorado. Finding motels that took dogs, and sneaking her into those that didn’t. If we drove, she was a passenger. Even scoring the front seat on several occasions. She would watch the road as carefully as I. And she knew the landmarks in town. Where we turned off I-44 for West Tyson County Park and our hike through the hills. Where we pulled in at Weldon Spring State Park and walked to the river. What part of Forest Park we were headed for, where the cops couldn’t see her off- leash. Where she could expect a treat to come sliding down the chute in the capsule. Answer: Walgreen’s Drive-thru Pharmacy, U. S. Bank, and MacDonald’s. But not White Castle. So I’d order an extra burger for her. No pickles, please.
The loss hurts for so many reasons. But the one that hits closest to home is most beautifully conveyed in a quote that a good friend sent to me after she heard of Hannah’s passing. It’s by John Galsworthy, a British writer best known for “The Forsyte Saga” and winner of the Nobel Prize in 1932. But you knew that. Here’s the quote. 
“Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives...”
I like that. It is true. He understands. “...so many years of our own lives...”
We have not only lost a loved one. We have lost part of ourselves.
My beautiful Golden girl is gone. But somewhere, lodged deep inside me, mingled with memories of a youth immersed in fantasy and science-fiction, of knowing the impossible is sometimes possible, I still wait for that phone to ring.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A Sports Talk Show I Can Live With

Sports "Talk" is really a misnomer. It's actually Sports "Shout." That's where these 3 or 4 guys, dressed in ties and jackets, sit at a long desk, kind of like a counter at a diner, and shout each other down on all the various aspects of sports. I can watch about 3 minutes of it before I realize I AM ANGRY! At what? I'm not sure. Because I don't care who wins the Stanley Cup or the NBA Championship, or who's playing in the Final Four or the fact the A-Rod makes too much or some NFL coach tripped a guy on the sidelines. I really don't care about all this.

But I do like being entertained. Which is why I'm so enthused about a new sports "talk" show that begins tonight on Comedy Central at 9:30 CST. It's produced by The Onion, in my opinion one of the funniest publications and websites on earth. I check them out frequently or, when I'm in Chicago, pick up The Onion newspaper, which is available just about everywhere. My all-time favorite Onion headline: "Lou Gehrig Dies of Lou Gehrig Disease."

So if you enjoy sharp satire, if you appreciate The Daily Show or The Colbert Report or The Office, for instance.... if you like Monty Python TV and SCTV and the musicals "Spamalot" and "Urinetown" ... if you'd like to get away from SportsShout, check this out. Mind you, I haven't seen the show yet - it premieres tonight - but I know it just has to be good. I've attached a couple of links. http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/channels/sportsdome/
http://tv.nytimes.com/2011/01/11/arts/television/11onion.html?scp=1&sq=the%20onion%20sportsdome&st=cse

Sunday, January 2, 2011

That Can't Be Right

Hey! Wait a minute. This is WHAT year?? 2011?
No, that's impossible. Wasn't it just a year ago, maybe two, that we were all waiting for the New Millenium? Sure, just a couple of years ago. The ATM's were gonna go down. Airplanes were gonna crash. Our computers were to be rendered useless. So what's this 2011 stuff? What has happened to the past 8 or 9 years?

Somebody, I'm convinced, is screwing around with Time. Like putting it on Fast Forward, throwing more coal in the boiler, shifting into high and putting the pedal to the metal. It's probably terrorists, or people on Wall Street, or Republicans, or maybe aging hippies who have finally entered that 4th or 5th dimension now that all the drugs have kicked in. Whoever it is, I don't appreciate it.

I want Time to slow down to a crawl. Even during winter. I want to be able to enjoy lots more hikes with my wife and dogs, good pasta and salads at Italian restaurants, pieces of Godiva dark chocolate, episodes of Dexter and Walking Dead, performances by the St. Louis Symphony, new movies that have an honest-to-God plot and characters that I care deeply about. And Time to write a few more posts on my blog, and maybe even another book.

So I guess I've arrived at my thought for this year. Slow down. What's the hurry? We're all going to get there. Let's not be out of breath when we do.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

"City Lights" & My Novel at Powell Hall for 2 Nights

Okay, it's another post about Charlie. But this is big. The St. Louis Symphony Orchestra will present Chaplin's greatest film, "City Lights," with the full orchestra playing the original score, "live." 


There's nothing like seeing a Chaplin film with a large audience, to share the laughter. 


As an added attraction, my novel will be available for sale in the lobby. It's not as funny. 

The dates are Wed. 12/29 
and Thurs. 12/30, at 7:30 pm.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Irving Berlin had it right

Like the man said, "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas." But it wasn't a dream this year. You could also sing "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland" and feel right in place.  And "Jack Frost nippin' at your nose...or toes..." or wherever it was he nipped. Here are some shots of our house, our street, our yard, our tree, and of course our dogs. This is basically a photo essay, which means I don't have to write much. I'm too full.












Tuesday, December 21, 2010

"That Night, Again." A Short Story for the Holidays


Jesse shoved his dead beagle out of the way with his bare foot and set another log on the fire, watched the smoke curl around it for a second, then leaned back in his cracked red leather easy chair.  “Okey-dokey,” he said.  His favorite word.  He reached for the cup of hot cocoa on the tv tray, let the sweet steam waft up into his nostrils, and smiled.  He took a small sip.  A bit of melted marshmallow clung to his upper lip.  He felt it sitting there, wiped it off with the back of his hand.

“Bet you would’ve liked some hot cocoa, Samson,” he said to the immobile dog.  Samson had been dead four days now, but he was the only company Jesse had.  Better a dead dog than no one.  Even if Samson had still been breathing, Jesse wouldn’t have given him any cocoa.  He knew that chocolate was bad for a dog, something about their digestive system not being able to handle it.  And he sure wouldn’t have done it with just one more day til Christmas.  Ain’t no way to find a decent vet on Christmas day, he knew.  All the good ones are at home with family or on a cruise ship in the Caribbean, he figured.   

Outside a soft snow began spreading its stark winter blanket across the neighborhood.  The first snow of the year, and what better time than on the night before Christmas?  He looked out the window.  “Okey-dokey.”  

Jesse thought about the dogs of his life.  His best friends.  Dogs that died before they left puppyhood, dogs that trembled and slept into old-age.  Samson was one of his favorite dogs, probably the last one he’d ever have.  “Got you the year after Emma passed,” said Jesse.  He remembered other Christmas eves, when Emma would hang the stockings on the mantle, wrap last minute presents, slide chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.  Forty-six years of chocolate chip cookies must be some kind of record, both for baking and eating, he thought.  He wondered how many chips of chocolate had melted down on their behalf.

Emma had gone off her meds before she passed, twelve years ago.  Except she didn’t know she had.  She had become impossible to live with, drove Jesse up one wall and down another with her incessant complaining and whining, her mind melting down like those chocolate chips.  So he dumped her meds, all seven bottles of them, down the toilet, replaced them with placeboes.  He liked that word “placebo.”   It took a couple of weeks, but eventually Emma passed in her sleep.  “A peaceful placebo departure,” said Jesse at his most poetic.  

He lifted Samson by his tail, half off the floor, to reveal the tattered book under his rump.  He picked it up and turned to the first page.  He always felt a thrill when he read aloud the very first line.  “Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house...”  What magic, what power, what craftsmanship.  Not “It was the night before,” but “Twas.”  Not “Christmas Eve,” but “the night before Christmas.”  Jesse stretched his legs out to let the fire warm his bare toes.  Samson slid across the hearth to the edge of the fire.  Outside the snow thickened, swirled, piled along the curbs and bushes.  The street lay silent, no headlights, no crunch of tires. 

Jesse continued his annual ritual aloud, to deaf, floppy ears.  “Not a creature was stirring...” He stopped on that line and laughed.  “You can say that again” and looked at Samson.  “...not even a mouse,  The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.”  Jesse looked at the mantle.  Yep, the stockings were still there.  He had never gotten around to taking them down from last  year, although Emma had complained about that until midsummer.  

Jesse got as far as “... had just settled down for a long winter’s nap” when he smelled the burning, an acrid smell that was neither oak nor hickory.  He looked down at the fireplace.  Samson was smoking.  Or at least the fur on his backside was, turning the dull brown fur into stringy black ash.   “Move away, dog,” he said, and reached over and scooted Samson to the side.  Luckily the dog had not burst into flame yet, and as the smoke subsided, Jesse approached the conclusion of the poem.  He stopped before the last page.  “Not so fast, not so fast,” he thought.  “Gotta let the magic last a little longer.”  He drained the cup, scooped the remaining marshmallow with his finger and licked it clean.
“Okey......”  He felt his eyes getting heavy.  The fire, the cocoa, the snow, his dog.  “How lucky I am,” he said aloud.  His eyes started to close.  But he had to get to the part about “But he heard him exclaim as he rose out of sight ...” and the rest of it.  His head nodded and his chin dropped to his chest.

The peace was shattered by a loud rap-rapping at his door.  Jesse lifted his head.  “Who could that be, Samson?”  He struggled out of his chair, shuffled to the door.  Another series of rap-rap-rapping, this time louder.  “Keep your shirt on, I’m coming, fast as I can,” said Jesse.  He opened the door.  And what to his wondering eyes should appear, but Santa Claus standing there, with no shirt on.  

“Sorry  couldn’t keep my shirt on,” said Santa.  “Are you named Jesse?”

Jesse nodded.  This was wonderful beyond belief.  

“Then let’s go for a ride,” said Santa with a hearty laugh, making his stomach shake like a bowl full of jelly.  He slipped on his red coat.

“I’ll get my coat,” said Jesse.

“No need to.  I’ve got a propane heater in my sleigh.  I just wear this because it’s expected.”  He laughed again.   “Here we go.”

Jesse and Santa walked out to the sleigh and climbed in behind the eight reindeer.  “Good looking reindeer,” said Jesse.

“I take good care of ‘em.  Thanks for noticing.”  

“Bet you never give ‘em any chocolate.”

Santa smiled.  “You sure know your reindeer.”  He grabbed the reins and gave them a shake.  “Hold on, Jesse.”

As they rose above the house, the neighborhood, the town, Jesse heard Santa shout, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

“Okey-dokey,” shouted Jesse.

#





Monday, November 29, 2010

Burgers for My 84-year-old Friend

A couple of weeks ago, before the cold weather and the rain moved in, while the trees still held on to a few straggling leaves, Mary Lee and I celebrated a Major Birthday. Hannah, our Golden Retriever, was 12 years old. As is our custom, we bought her a hamburger on her birthday. Not a White Castle burger, but an honest to God Hamburger. We used to go to Steak'n Shake, but that was before the economy took a dive. So this time we grabbed a couple of Doubleburgers at Mac and headed for Weldon Spring Trail, where we followed the trail from the parking lot on Hiway 94 to the bluffs overlooking the Missouri River. The day was warm and the dogs were excited. Sadie, who is only 3, covered the entire area, checking for slow-moving squirrels or sociable deer. She found none.

We got to the bluffs abut 2:00, and gave the dogs their burgers. Hannah moves a little more slowly now, but what the hell. At 84 you can't expect someone to leap and dash and do back-flips anymore. She still sits and shakes. Her paw, not her body. The view from the bluffs is quite relaxing. You can almost hear Lewis and Clark urging their men up the river, singing their songs of exploration, slapping at the millions of mosquitoes and gnats that came to feast, telling mean jokes about Tom Jefferson.

But enough history. Oh, wait. One more tidbit. Weldon Spring was first settled by a frontiersman named John Weldon from North Carolina. That's it.

One more fact: A MacDonald's Doubleburger stays hot in a styrofoam container placed inside a backpack for 45 minutes. We didn't get fries with that. Not good for dogs.